A Confusing Battle

I call it a confusing battle because I don’t think I’m entirely sure on who or what I am battling against. I’m familiar with autoimmune diseases as both my mother & sister have severe thyroid problems; that would be a battle against your own body. But, I am only battling against my own body if I say that my health problems have taken over my body, and in that sense, there is no battle.. It would mean that the battle has been and gone, because that is when my health problems have become me.

Also, in a way, I’ve been confused from the start. For so long, in my teen years, I was so ill and severely fatigued, but doctors didn’t know what was wrong with me.. There was never a name or a diagnosis. It took, roughly, 5 years to get anywhere close to a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

My family have always tried to make light of the situation by saying that I don’t do things by halves. I’ve had thyroiditis, which lead my GP to invite all of his fellow doctors into the room to feel my thyroid, as they would never have come across this before; I’ve had tonsillitis so severe that it ate away one of my tonsils; more recently, I’ve been diagnosed with chondromalacia which means that the cartilage in my right knee has worn down so much that I’m in agony, struggle to put weight on it and can actually feel the bones grinding. The irony of chondromalacia is that it’s also known as ‘runners knee’. I was active in my teenage years, but if you know much about fibromyalgia and emphysema, you’ll know that there’s very little chance of me breaking out into a bloody run. I couldn’t breathe for laughing when I found out it’s alternative name, but I guess we’ve got to find the light somewhere.

As you can tell, and only by my second post, I ramble and I get carried away with myself. But, I promised to be honest, and I can only do that by being true. I’m a rambler…

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First blog post

This is the post excerpt.

I am 22 years old with a lot of health problems. For so long I felt like it wasn’t okay to not be okay, part of me will probably still think like that forever. I’ve had fibromyalgia for a few years now and recently it’s got quite bad. So, I’m now facing up to the reality of what my life is with chronic illnesses. To tell the truth, I’m terrified of my own future, that’s probably why I’ve never thought of it before.

I’m quite a proud person and I hate admitting how ill I have really become. So many people go on about not letting things define you, but I really think that sometimes, you can’t help but let something define you when it takes over every aspect of your life.

Some days I feel like I’m going to crumble and disappear, I probably hope that I’ll disappear, but some days I feel like a fighter who isn’t going to let it get me down. There are days inbetween and days I fear will never end. Hopefully, one day I’ll come out the other side of all of this, that’s the only thought that keeps me going on the bad days.

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